Yep, Dash turned out to be a girl! What an upset in the pool. And a big girl - 9 pounds, 7 ounces, 20.5 inches long, and a head full of soft curly dark hair! I have to say that I was bit caught off guard by her arrival. The night before I went to bed resigned to the fact that Dash was coming when he or she felt like it and I needed to let go of my anxiety. Most of it having to do with taking so much pre-baby time off work and just really feeling physically beat up. After feeling contractions and cramps for weeks I was really getting to my topping point and was begging, out loud, to the baby to come out. But on Tuesday I decided to stop and spent the day on the couch thinking about and doing nothing. I barely had any cramping that day and went to bed looking forward to seeing Harry Potter on Friday. And that's when it started...
If you're the squeamish type or don't want to read about what happened in labor you should skip the following part and scroll to the bottom where it says "squeamish part over".
At about 5am I woke up to pee, as usual. I never turn the light on when I use the bathroom at night but for some reason I felt like there was something kind of extra going on and switched it on to find drops of blood in the toilet. I wasn't having contractions so I thought this must be my "bloody show" - an early sign that labor is coming. I woke up the hubby and he told me to go back to bed and try to get some rest. But 10 minutes later I was up again because blood was now coming in a flow and I quickly went from excited to freaked. We called the midwife and she wanted to know how much blood. Since I wasn't holding a measuring cup between my legs there was no way for me to articulate how much other than to say it looked like a lot to me. So she sent us to the hospital to be evaluated.
I still wasn't having any contractions but felt that this was it. I mean why else would I be seeing so much blood?? The hubby however was holding on to the words "go be evaluated" and didn't want to admit that I may actually be in real labor. In fact he didn't even want to bring our bags or go through the check list. I had to make him do it and it was still an argument. I realize now that it was probably just nerves. By the time we got dressed I was starting to feel a lot of tightening that I thought were my pants being too snug.
Once at the hospital I was brought straight to labor and delivery to be evaluated by the OB resident. Being evaluated means getting hooked up to the monitor and then receiving an exam to check for dilation. On the monitor the contractions were there as usual about every 3-4 minutes (please note I should have come to the hospital when they were 5 minutes apart - that is if I knew I was having them), but again I wasn't in any pain just had an increasing tight crampy feeling. She then began what was the most painful internal exam I have ever experienced in my life. Apparently because the baby's head was so low it was making it very difficult to check my cervix so to get at it for an accurate read she practically had to fist me. The hubby had to hold me down and keep my eyes on him to calm me down because it felt like I was being stabbed on the inside and was in tears. This is when my 24 hours of painful poking, prodding and stabbing officially began. Once she was done torturing me (though she was very polite about it I may add) we got the news that I was 6 centimeters dilated and in full blown labor. In fact, she figured the baby would be here by lunch.
From there it was a flurry of phone calls, texts and paperwork. I was moved to another room where I was to stay to have Dash. They started a hep lock and put me on new monitors. That is when the contractions started - at this point I was starting to suspect that a lot of this process was psychological. The contractions were very manageable as I was breathing through them without a problem. That is until I tried to get up to use the bathroom. A little while back my midwife had a conversation to prepare me for the possibility that my pelvic bone issues may cause labor to be more intense and that I should be open to an epidural. I was actually thinking that I may be okay but once I took one step towards the bathroom that went out the window. The pain hit me like bat to the crotch. Three people had to help me and I vomited the whole time. By the time I got back to bed the pain was pulsating from my pubic bone to my back. It subsided after a few minutes but now the contractions that were manageable a few minutes ago were now difficult to breathe through. That is when the hubby spoke up and asked for me to get an epidural and I did not object.
While getting the epidural I had to stay completely still. This was a challenging task as I would vomit every time I sat forward or put any pressure on my pelvic bone - the position I needed to be in to get the epidural - and was now having contractions every two minutes. They gave me meds to stop the vomiting and, for what seemed like forever, I sat completely still through a battery of contractions. When it was over I was looking forward to the relief of being numbed from the waist down. Unfortunately for me that relief barely came. Initially it only worked on one side so they told me to lean on the other side so that gravity could help. So I did that and for an hour I actually felt great. I thought to myself 'Why in the world was I fighting getting an epidural?' This magic drip that I could top off myself as needed allowed me to even take a nap for an hour.
But an hour was all I would get. After that the epidural wore off completely. Pushing the button didn't work so they called the anesthesiologist back twice to give me more and that didn't work. I was feeling everything. Breathing through wasn't working, my happy place wasn't working, my focal point wasn't working...nothing was working. This was the labor pain you see on TV where the woman is cursing and yelling at everyone. And just when I thought my world was coming to an end my midwife's voice broke through and I heard her say it was time to push. It was just like my yoga instructor said - when you get to that point where you feel you can take no more, that is when it is over. 10 minutes later it was over and Alice was born. I pushed her out so fast that the my midwife and nurse barely had time to sterilize and get everything ready. I think at one point she told me to stop pushing but I ignored her because pushing stopped the pain of the contractions.
I don't actually remember everything about the pushing part. I remember looking up at one point and seeing the hubby on his phone texting a play by play to our friends and then me snapping at him to get off the phone. The last thing I remember clearly was my last push and after that there was a baby on my chest and was very confused by it. What I was told was after that last push the head came out, I reached down and grabbed the baby and pulled her up on to my chest. I asked if it was boy or girl and the hubby told me it was a girl. My wits came back then. Alice stayed on my chest for a long time while I was stitched up (think 9 pound 7 ounce baby being pushed out in 10 minutes) and cleaned up. The room looked like a crime scene.
Squeamish part over
There's also a lot post birth stuff that happens too - hence the 24 hours of painful poking, prodding and stabbing comment I made earlier. But not just to me. Every two hours poor Alice would get stuck with a needle because she was so big and they had to keep checking her glucose levels. And once I was moved to maternity I was having blood drawn, pressure taken, temperature reads and a lovely twelve hour dose of pitocin to give me more contractions to help my uterus shrink. It was truly exhausting. I could not get out of that hospital fast enough. I just wanted them to give me my baby and send me home.
Two days later when they finally did send us on our way I remember feeling apprehensive. All these thoughts were swimming in my head as I was being wheeled out of the hospital.' These people were letting me walk out with this baby.', 'Was I breastfeeding properly?', 'No one showed me how to change the diaper, are we doing it right?', 'What was it going to be like when I got home and there was no nurse to buzz?', etc etc. But as soon as I got in the car it all passed because I was just happy to be heading home.
So, I think back to last Wednesday and I remember feeling this energy in the air like you can feel the universe make space for a new life. I look at my baby now and I'm dumbfounded by how she got here and how perfect she is. If you ask me today (or tomorrow, or next week, or next Christmas...) I can't say that I would do this again but I can say that it was truly worth it. And not just labor but the whole pregnancy experience. These last 40 weeks were a drop in the bucket in the lifetime of my baby and all she will do and all she will be - I sit here in awe of Alice as I'm sure I will be for the rest of my life. These last 9 months were just my small part in getting her started.
All smiles as the contractions start
Alice is here! And boy was I in a daze.
Daddy was on the job
Learned quick those lungs work
In case anyone thought I was kidding
A beautiful sunset for Alice
Headed home!
