So there are lots of things to do in order to prepare for labor and delivery. Makes me wonder what happens when babies make a surprise arrival. Especially with me being such a classic Capricorn, running through checklists and doing dry runs are soothing activities to take part in when waiting for something as life changing as the birth of a child. So we have done the hospital tours, birthing class, installed essential baby items, instituted the phone tree, packed the bag and typed up the birth plan. Now I just have to find my happy place. This is the place my birthing coach wants me to visualize when I'm breathing through my labor pain. The problem is I can't find one to use, which sounds crazy. I've had so many happy moments - graduations, my wedding day, awesome vacations, seeing the first sonogram of Dash, fun birthdays and times with family and friends etc. But for some reason I can't take just one of these many great moments to use to help me work through labor.
I know it is because I'm over thinking it. I want the thought to be perfect. Giving birth to my first child will only happen once and I want the whole experience to be perfect. But it won't be because nothing ever is. I wanted the perfect wedding day and so many things went the other way but I still wouldn't have done anything different because it was awesome and the best wedding experience I could imagine despite the silly things that went wrong. And having Dash will turn out awesome too. Things won't go exactly as planned or maybe they will. But at the end of the day I will be bringing home my little miracle and that is all that counts. I think I just need to sit down and relax (not that I should be doing much else being on bed rest) and just think about the moments that make me happy and focus. I'm already in a pretty happy place in general so really this should not be hard.
The baby will be here any day now. My midwife doesn't want me going past next week because Dash is quite large and my inflamed pelvis is not making things easier. The last three days I have been taking herbal meds and teas to make my contractions stronger and jump start dilation. So we're really just waiting. After 37 weeks, lots of dr. appointments, fun times with registries, weird body changes, crazy dreams, and insane anxieties, in the end, all we have left to do now is wait.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Oh The Joys Of Pregnancy
What a week!
I have been having pain in my underbelly and in my pelvis for a while now. But I was just told over and over it was ligament pain from my belly stretching and this was normal. I was told to stretch and it would go away. But Dash just kept getting bigger and bigger and the pain was getting worse. Last Tuesday I was at a networking function and had to be on my feet for over an hour. I shouldn't have gone but there is a lot of pressure at work to go to more of these and I was told - "the job description is the job description regardless if you are pregnant or not". So I went. I knew something was wrong as soon as I got home. That pain I was feeling was now shooting down my pelvis and I felt ill. Wednesday morning I dragged myself to work even though I could hardly get down the steps in the subway. By 9:30 I was in a cab headed to the ER. I was in so much pain I was in tears.
When a pregnant woman walks into the ER with pain they are sent to Labor and Delivery. The priority is to check that the baby is okay. I was hooked up to monitors where I got to hear Dash's heart beating for 6 hours (it was lovely). The other monitor was monitoring my contractions. Yes I was having them. Every 3-4 minutes. But there was no pain, just discomfort. I was not dilating but my cervix was thinning. And once again I was told the pain was ligament pain and was given lots of Tylenol and sent home.
The next day I was back at the Midwife's office and back on the monitors. The contractions were now 8 minutes apart and still no dilating so I was not in labor. A relief since it was only 35 weeks. And as for the pain she said again I need to stretch to open my pelvis and it was normal. I finally had enough and said no. This pain was not normal, it was not from the ligaments and I'm quite flexible thank you. I was upset and she finally said that it sounded like PSD and sent me to an orthopedist who specializes with pregnant women. With PSD your pelvic bones become misaligned and can get inflamed and even seperate. So off I went today and was told my pubic bone is inflamed and was placed on bed rest until I deliver. This is after finding out on Friday that the baby is going to be GINORMOUS, according to the sonogram, if I go to 40 weeks! So much for my theory that I have just been really bloated and the baby is small. Dash's heartbeat was also a little too high so I ended up on the monitors for the third day in a row. The heartbeat settled and I was sent home.
The most frustrating part about all this is that I was just being told this was normal and a part of pregnancy and "oh the joys of pregnancy, smile Natalie it's okay this is how it is." No I'm not smiling and fuck off because really I'm in pain. It was making me furious because even though this is my first pregnancy I know not being able to walk is NOT normal. I should not be in pain when I lay down to go to bed or need help to walk down steps. It was very upsetting and today when I was leaving the orthopedist's office I wanted to hug her because I felt so grateful that someone was taking me seriously and not lumping my pain in with just "the joys of pregnancy".
Anyway here we are now. I'm going to finish the week at work and go from there. Bed rest is not something I'm looking forward to. Especially since it will eat into my maternity leave so I will have less time at home with the baby. That really bothers me. I really hope Dash comes soon so that is not the case. I think I'm giving the baby a week and then I may have to start downing castor oil, walking around with a lavender and jasmin scented candle, eat spicy food for every meal and jump my husband's bones every night to kick start labor. On the bright side I'll have time to finish Game of Thrones.
I have been having pain in my underbelly and in my pelvis for a while now. But I was just told over and over it was ligament pain from my belly stretching and this was normal. I was told to stretch and it would go away. But Dash just kept getting bigger and bigger and the pain was getting worse. Last Tuesday I was at a networking function and had to be on my feet for over an hour. I shouldn't have gone but there is a lot of pressure at work to go to more of these and I was told - "the job description is the job description regardless if you are pregnant or not". So I went. I knew something was wrong as soon as I got home. That pain I was feeling was now shooting down my pelvis and I felt ill. Wednesday morning I dragged myself to work even though I could hardly get down the steps in the subway. By 9:30 I was in a cab headed to the ER. I was in so much pain I was in tears.
When a pregnant woman walks into the ER with pain they are sent to Labor and Delivery. The priority is to check that the baby is okay. I was hooked up to monitors where I got to hear Dash's heart beating for 6 hours (it was lovely). The other monitor was monitoring my contractions. Yes I was having them. Every 3-4 minutes. But there was no pain, just discomfort. I was not dilating but my cervix was thinning. And once again I was told the pain was ligament pain and was given lots of Tylenol and sent home.
The next day I was back at the Midwife's office and back on the monitors. The contractions were now 8 minutes apart and still no dilating so I was not in labor. A relief since it was only 35 weeks. And as for the pain she said again I need to stretch to open my pelvis and it was normal. I finally had enough and said no. This pain was not normal, it was not from the ligaments and I'm quite flexible thank you. I was upset and she finally said that it sounded like PSD and sent me to an orthopedist who specializes with pregnant women. With PSD your pelvic bones become misaligned and can get inflamed and even seperate. So off I went today and was told my pubic bone is inflamed and was placed on bed rest until I deliver. This is after finding out on Friday that the baby is going to be GINORMOUS, according to the sonogram, if I go to 40 weeks! So much for my theory that I have just been really bloated and the baby is small. Dash's heartbeat was also a little too high so I ended up on the monitors for the third day in a row. The heartbeat settled and I was sent home.
The most frustrating part about all this is that I was just being told this was normal and a part of pregnancy and "oh the joys of pregnancy, smile Natalie it's okay this is how it is." No I'm not smiling and fuck off because really I'm in pain. It was making me furious because even though this is my first pregnancy I know not being able to walk is NOT normal. I should not be in pain when I lay down to go to bed or need help to walk down steps. It was very upsetting and today when I was leaving the orthopedist's office I wanted to hug her because I felt so grateful that someone was taking me seriously and not lumping my pain in with just "the joys of pregnancy".
Anyway here we are now. I'm going to finish the week at work and go from there. Bed rest is not something I'm looking forward to. Especially since it will eat into my maternity leave so I will have less time at home with the baby. That really bothers me. I really hope Dash comes soon so that is not the case. I think I'm giving the baby a week and then I may have to start downing castor oil, walking around with a lavender and jasmin scented candle, eat spicy food for every meal and jump my husband's bones every night to kick start labor. On the bright side I'll have time to finish Game of Thrones.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Showered With Love
I have been so caught up with work and getting my mom settled that the baby blues were starting to set in. Feelings of indifference and growing anxiety were stalling my warm fuzzies and just making me feel like it was time to stop talking about it and for Dash to just get here already. That was until...
Last Saturday my friends and family came together to shower me and Baby Dash with love and well wishes. We laughed, we cried, we danced, ate great food and played cute baby games. It was such a wonderful day and it felt so good to have so much support. Besides the wonderful gifts we received, which are very much appreciated, there was so much more to take home. It was the funny stories, the advice from those who have gone down this road before me, the feelings of real joy and love that was really the best part. These are the things I will remember and will help me feel good when everything hurts and will surround my baby when he or she gets here and be a positive force in Dash's life.
My mom even seemed to have a great time. She told me before that in Haiti they don't do showers and that when someone has a baby you just give them money. So I don't think she was really into the whole idea. But I hope after Saturday she sees how important it is to come together and celebrate a new life on the way and show the Mommy and Daddy your love and support. I think she gets that now.
So I will be forever grateful to my girlfriends who put this together. I know they worked hard and I will never be able to thank them enough. Dash will have so many great Aunties! My girlfriends are really an extension of my family. And I love that they truly can't wait to meet this little one and be a part of his or life. So thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!
5 more weeks to go...maybe. Dash is in position and ready to go. I feel invigorated again. I feel such excitement right now. Clock is ticking!!!
Grand Entrance
Last Saturday my friends and family came together to shower me and Baby Dash with love and well wishes. We laughed, we cried, we danced, ate great food and played cute baby games. It was such a wonderful day and it felt so good to have so much support. Besides the wonderful gifts we received, which are very much appreciated, there was so much more to take home. It was the funny stories, the advice from those who have gone down this road before me, the feelings of real joy and love that was really the best part. These are the things I will remember and will help me feel good when everything hurts and will surround my baby when he or she gets here and be a positive force in Dash's life.
My mom even seemed to have a great time. She told me before that in Haiti they don't do showers and that when someone has a baby you just give them money. So I don't think she was really into the whole idea. But I hope after Saturday she sees how important it is to come together and celebrate a new life on the way and show the Mommy and Daddy your love and support. I think she gets that now.
So I will be forever grateful to my girlfriends who put this together. I know they worked hard and I will never be able to thank them enough. Dash will have so many great Aunties! My girlfriends are really an extension of my family. And I love that they truly can't wait to meet this little one and be a part of his or life. So thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!
5 more weeks to go...maybe. Dash is in position and ready to go. I feel invigorated again. I feel such excitement right now. Clock is ticking!!!
Grand Entrance
Surrounded by love!
Daddy all Showered Out
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