Let's just cut to the chase - my boobs are huge and I'm not prepared to deal with it.
I was one of those girls that didn't need to always wear a bra. Most days I could just slap on a camisole and be on my way, no extra support needed. Of course there were times I wondered what it would be like to have a bit more girth in the chest area. That's when I would reach into the back of the drawer and bust out a push up. After I got pregnant I found that I needed the extra help less and less thanks to the hormones but overall the girls remained relatively the same. I figured they would be back to normal after I had the baby.
Post delivery I shed the majority of my baby weight in the first three weeks. By the time Dash was a month old I had lost 34 of the 40 pounds I gained (I attribute the rapid shedding directly to nursing). But those last 6 or so pounds just hung on and refused to go away. Where were these meddlesome lbs sticking you ask? Just look at my face and tilt your head down to find your answer. And if it's been a while since I last fed the baby, you won't need to tilt far.
So I shouldn't be complaining right? I mean those who have bitties always want biggies so I should be thrilled. Except my wardrobe, which I was too excited to be able to fit back into so quickly, wasn't exactly d-cup friendly. This became very obvious when I went back to work and realized I was accidentally cleave-bombing my co-workers. Just the other day I was sitting in a meeting after having gotten dressed hastily that morning in the dark and realized if I shifted myself slightly to one side no one would be paying attention to what I was saying. Hmm... is that why so many guys have been telling me I look so good?
So my solution? Scarves, sweaters and layers. Tis the season anyway so I may just get away without having to spring for a new wardrobe by the time I stop nursing. But in the event these lady lumps are here to stay I will embrace my new found cleavage and look forward, not down ;)
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Oh Alice!
On Wednesday, July 13th, Baby Dash came into the world at 5:10pm. Shortly after that the rain came pouring down, quickly stopped and produced a radiant rainbow over the water. With the sky now clear, the stage was set for a beautiful sunset over lower Manhattan as Alice Cecile completed her first day on this Earth.
Yep, Dash turned out to be a girl! What an upset in the pool. And a big girl - 9 pounds, 7 ounces, 20.5 inches long, and a head full of soft curly dark hair! I have to say that I was bit caught off guard by her arrival. The night before I went to bed resigned to the fact that Dash was coming when he or she felt like it and I needed to let go of my anxiety. Most of it having to do with taking so much pre-baby time off work and just really feeling physically beat up. After feeling contractions and cramps for weeks I was really getting to my topping point and was begging, out loud, to the baby to come out. But on Tuesday I decided to stop and spent the day on the couch thinking about and doing nothing. I barely had any cramping that day and went to bed looking forward to seeing Harry Potter on Friday. And that's when it started...
If you're the squeamish type or don't want to read about what happened in labor you should skip the following part and scroll to the bottom where it says "squeamish part over".
At about 5am I woke up to pee, as usual. I never turn the light on when I use the bathroom at night but for some reason I felt like there was something kind of extra going on and switched it on to find drops of blood in the toilet. I wasn't having contractions so I thought this must be my "bloody show" - an early sign that labor is coming. I woke up the hubby and he told me to go back to bed and try to get some rest. But 10 minutes later I was up again because blood was now coming in a flow and I quickly went from excited to freaked. We called the midwife and she wanted to know how much blood. Since I wasn't holding a measuring cup between my legs there was no way for me to articulate how much other than to say it looked like a lot to me. So she sent us to the hospital to be evaluated.
I still wasn't having any contractions but felt that this was it. I mean why else would I be seeing so much blood?? The hubby however was holding on to the words "go be evaluated" and didn't want to admit that I may actually be in real labor. In fact he didn't even want to bring our bags or go through the check list. I had to make him do it and it was still an argument. I realize now that it was probably just nerves. By the time we got dressed I was starting to feel a lot of tightening that I thought were my pants being too snug.
Once at the hospital I was brought straight to labor and delivery to be evaluated by the OB resident. Being evaluated means getting hooked up to the monitor and then receiving an exam to check for dilation. On the monitor the contractions were there as usual about every 3-4 minutes (please note I should have come to the hospital when they were 5 minutes apart - that is if I knew I was having them), but again I wasn't in any pain just had an increasing tight crampy feeling. She then began what was the most painful internal exam I have ever experienced in my life. Apparently because the baby's head was so low it was making it very difficult to check my cervix so to get at it for an accurate read she practically had to fist me. The hubby had to hold me down and keep my eyes on him to calm me down because it felt like I was being stabbed on the inside and was in tears. This is when my 24 hours of painful poking, prodding and stabbing officially began. Once she was done torturing me (though she was very polite about it I may add) we got the news that I was 6 centimeters dilated and in full blown labor. In fact, she figured the baby would be here by lunch.
From there it was a flurry of phone calls, texts and paperwork. I was moved to another room where I was to stay to have Dash. They started a hep lock and put me on new monitors. That is when the contractions started - at this point I was starting to suspect that a lot of this process was psychological. The contractions were very manageable as I was breathing through them without a problem. That is until I tried to get up to use the bathroom. A little while back my midwife had a conversation to prepare me for the possibility that my pelvic bone issues may cause labor to be more intense and that I should be open to an epidural. I was actually thinking that I may be okay but once I took one step towards the bathroom that went out the window. The pain hit me like bat to the crotch. Three people had to help me and I vomited the whole time. By the time I got back to bed the pain was pulsating from my pubic bone to my back. It subsided after a few minutes but now the contractions that were manageable a few minutes ago were now difficult to breathe through. That is when the hubby spoke up and asked for me to get an epidural and I did not object.
While getting the epidural I had to stay completely still. This was a challenging task as I would vomit every time I sat forward or put any pressure on my pelvic bone - the position I needed to be in to get the epidural - and was now having contractions every two minutes. They gave me meds to stop the vomiting and, for what seemed like forever, I sat completely still through a battery of contractions. When it was over I was looking forward to the relief of being numbed from the waist down. Unfortunately for me that relief barely came. Initially it only worked on one side so they told me to lean on the other side so that gravity could help. So I did that and for an hour I actually felt great. I thought to myself 'Why in the world was I fighting getting an epidural?' This magic drip that I could top off myself as needed allowed me to even take a nap for an hour.
But an hour was all I would get. After that the epidural wore off completely. Pushing the button didn't work so they called the anesthesiologist back twice to give me more and that didn't work. I was feeling everything. Breathing through wasn't working, my happy place wasn't working, my focal point wasn't working...nothing was working. This was the labor pain you see on TV where the woman is cursing and yelling at everyone. And just when I thought my world was coming to an end my midwife's voice broke through and I heard her say it was time to push. It was just like my yoga instructor said - when you get to that point where you feel you can take no more, that is when it is over. 10 minutes later it was over and Alice was born. I pushed her out so fast that the my midwife and nurse barely had time to sterilize and get everything ready. I think at one point she told me to stop pushing but I ignored her because pushing stopped the pain of the contractions.
I don't actually remember everything about the pushing part. I remember looking up at one point and seeing the hubby on his phone texting a play by play to our friends and then me snapping at him to get off the phone. The last thing I remember clearly was my last push and after that there was a baby on my chest and was very confused by it. What I was told was after that last push the head came out, I reached down and grabbed the baby and pulled her up on to my chest. I asked if it was boy or girl and the hubby told me it was a girl. My wits came back then. Alice stayed on my chest for a long time while I was stitched up (think 9 pound 7 ounce baby being pushed out in 10 minutes) and cleaned up. The room looked like a crime scene.
Squeamish part over
There's also a lot post birth stuff that happens too - hence the 24 hours of painful poking, prodding and stabbing comment I made earlier. But not just to me. Every two hours poor Alice would get stuck with a needle because she was so big and they had to keep checking her glucose levels. And once I was moved to maternity I was having blood drawn, pressure taken, temperature reads and a lovely twelve hour dose of pitocin to give me more contractions to help my uterus shrink. It was truly exhausting. I could not get out of that hospital fast enough. I just wanted them to give me my baby and send me home.
Two days later when they finally did send us on our way I remember feeling apprehensive. All these thoughts were swimming in my head as I was being wheeled out of the hospital.' These people were letting me walk out with this baby.', 'Was I breastfeeding properly?', 'No one showed me how to change the diaper, are we doing it right?', 'What was it going to be like when I got home and there was no nurse to buzz?', etc etc. But as soon as I got in the car it all passed because I was just happy to be heading home.
So, I think back to last Wednesday and I remember feeling this energy in the air like you can feel the universe make space for a new life. I look at my baby now and I'm dumbfounded by how she got here and how perfect she is. If you ask me today (or tomorrow, or next week, or next Christmas...) I can't say that I would do this again but I can say that it was truly worth it. And not just labor but the whole pregnancy experience. These last 40 weeks were a drop in the bucket in the lifetime of my baby and all she will do and all she will be - I sit here in awe of Alice as I'm sure I will be for the rest of my life. These last 9 months were just my small part in getting her started.
Thanks to those of you who followed me on my baby journey. Thanks for encouraging me to keep it up and for the advice along the way. Now I'm going to take some time and enjoy my baby :)
Yep, Dash turned out to be a girl! What an upset in the pool. And a big girl - 9 pounds, 7 ounces, 20.5 inches long, and a head full of soft curly dark hair! I have to say that I was bit caught off guard by her arrival. The night before I went to bed resigned to the fact that Dash was coming when he or she felt like it and I needed to let go of my anxiety. Most of it having to do with taking so much pre-baby time off work and just really feeling physically beat up. After feeling contractions and cramps for weeks I was really getting to my topping point and was begging, out loud, to the baby to come out. But on Tuesday I decided to stop and spent the day on the couch thinking about and doing nothing. I barely had any cramping that day and went to bed looking forward to seeing Harry Potter on Friday. And that's when it started...
If you're the squeamish type or don't want to read about what happened in labor you should skip the following part and scroll to the bottom where it says "squeamish part over".
At about 5am I woke up to pee, as usual. I never turn the light on when I use the bathroom at night but for some reason I felt like there was something kind of extra going on and switched it on to find drops of blood in the toilet. I wasn't having contractions so I thought this must be my "bloody show" - an early sign that labor is coming. I woke up the hubby and he told me to go back to bed and try to get some rest. But 10 minutes later I was up again because blood was now coming in a flow and I quickly went from excited to freaked. We called the midwife and she wanted to know how much blood. Since I wasn't holding a measuring cup between my legs there was no way for me to articulate how much other than to say it looked like a lot to me. So she sent us to the hospital to be evaluated.
I still wasn't having any contractions but felt that this was it. I mean why else would I be seeing so much blood?? The hubby however was holding on to the words "go be evaluated" and didn't want to admit that I may actually be in real labor. In fact he didn't even want to bring our bags or go through the check list. I had to make him do it and it was still an argument. I realize now that it was probably just nerves. By the time we got dressed I was starting to feel a lot of tightening that I thought were my pants being too snug.
Once at the hospital I was brought straight to labor and delivery to be evaluated by the OB resident. Being evaluated means getting hooked up to the monitor and then receiving an exam to check for dilation. On the monitor the contractions were there as usual about every 3-4 minutes (please note I should have come to the hospital when they were 5 minutes apart - that is if I knew I was having them), but again I wasn't in any pain just had an increasing tight crampy feeling. She then began what was the most painful internal exam I have ever experienced in my life. Apparently because the baby's head was so low it was making it very difficult to check my cervix so to get at it for an accurate read she practically had to fist me. The hubby had to hold me down and keep my eyes on him to calm me down because it felt like I was being stabbed on the inside and was in tears. This is when my 24 hours of painful poking, prodding and stabbing officially began. Once she was done torturing me (though she was very polite about it I may add) we got the news that I was 6 centimeters dilated and in full blown labor. In fact, she figured the baby would be here by lunch.
From there it was a flurry of phone calls, texts and paperwork. I was moved to another room where I was to stay to have Dash. They started a hep lock and put me on new monitors. That is when the contractions started - at this point I was starting to suspect that a lot of this process was psychological. The contractions were very manageable as I was breathing through them without a problem. That is until I tried to get up to use the bathroom. A little while back my midwife had a conversation to prepare me for the possibility that my pelvic bone issues may cause labor to be more intense and that I should be open to an epidural. I was actually thinking that I may be okay but once I took one step towards the bathroom that went out the window. The pain hit me like bat to the crotch. Three people had to help me and I vomited the whole time. By the time I got back to bed the pain was pulsating from my pubic bone to my back. It subsided after a few minutes but now the contractions that were manageable a few minutes ago were now difficult to breathe through. That is when the hubby spoke up and asked for me to get an epidural and I did not object.
While getting the epidural I had to stay completely still. This was a challenging task as I would vomit every time I sat forward or put any pressure on my pelvic bone - the position I needed to be in to get the epidural - and was now having contractions every two minutes. They gave me meds to stop the vomiting and, for what seemed like forever, I sat completely still through a battery of contractions. When it was over I was looking forward to the relief of being numbed from the waist down. Unfortunately for me that relief barely came. Initially it only worked on one side so they told me to lean on the other side so that gravity could help. So I did that and for an hour I actually felt great. I thought to myself 'Why in the world was I fighting getting an epidural?' This magic drip that I could top off myself as needed allowed me to even take a nap for an hour.
But an hour was all I would get. After that the epidural wore off completely. Pushing the button didn't work so they called the anesthesiologist back twice to give me more and that didn't work. I was feeling everything. Breathing through wasn't working, my happy place wasn't working, my focal point wasn't working...nothing was working. This was the labor pain you see on TV where the woman is cursing and yelling at everyone. And just when I thought my world was coming to an end my midwife's voice broke through and I heard her say it was time to push. It was just like my yoga instructor said - when you get to that point where you feel you can take no more, that is when it is over. 10 minutes later it was over and Alice was born. I pushed her out so fast that the my midwife and nurse barely had time to sterilize and get everything ready. I think at one point she told me to stop pushing but I ignored her because pushing stopped the pain of the contractions.
I don't actually remember everything about the pushing part. I remember looking up at one point and seeing the hubby on his phone texting a play by play to our friends and then me snapping at him to get off the phone. The last thing I remember clearly was my last push and after that there was a baby on my chest and was very confused by it. What I was told was after that last push the head came out, I reached down and grabbed the baby and pulled her up on to my chest. I asked if it was boy or girl and the hubby told me it was a girl. My wits came back then. Alice stayed on my chest for a long time while I was stitched up (think 9 pound 7 ounce baby being pushed out in 10 minutes) and cleaned up. The room looked like a crime scene.
Squeamish part over
There's also a lot post birth stuff that happens too - hence the 24 hours of painful poking, prodding and stabbing comment I made earlier. But not just to me. Every two hours poor Alice would get stuck with a needle because she was so big and they had to keep checking her glucose levels. And once I was moved to maternity I was having blood drawn, pressure taken, temperature reads and a lovely twelve hour dose of pitocin to give me more contractions to help my uterus shrink. It was truly exhausting. I could not get out of that hospital fast enough. I just wanted them to give me my baby and send me home.
Two days later when they finally did send us on our way I remember feeling apprehensive. All these thoughts were swimming in my head as I was being wheeled out of the hospital.' These people were letting me walk out with this baby.', 'Was I breastfeeding properly?', 'No one showed me how to change the diaper, are we doing it right?', 'What was it going to be like when I got home and there was no nurse to buzz?', etc etc. But as soon as I got in the car it all passed because I was just happy to be heading home.
So, I think back to last Wednesday and I remember feeling this energy in the air like you can feel the universe make space for a new life. I look at my baby now and I'm dumbfounded by how she got here and how perfect she is. If you ask me today (or tomorrow, or next week, or next Christmas...) I can't say that I would do this again but I can say that it was truly worth it. And not just labor but the whole pregnancy experience. These last 40 weeks were a drop in the bucket in the lifetime of my baby and all she will do and all she will be - I sit here in awe of Alice as I'm sure I will be for the rest of my life. These last 9 months were just my small part in getting her started.
All smiles as the contractions start
Alice is here! And boy was I in a daze.
Daddy was on the job
Learned quick those lungs work
In case anyone thought I was kidding
A beautiful sunset for Alice
Headed home!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Yup...I'm Still Pregnant
Day 266...
This baby is not making any moves to come out. After a week of tea, herbal pills, aromatherapy and other "methods" Dash is still sitting in my uterus pressing ever so not gently down on my pubic bone. When I went to see the midwife last Thursday the fake contractions were coming every 2 to 3 minutes and I had started cramping. This was great news as this was an indication that my body was preparing and taking steps to soften my cervix so labor could begin. So because of that she asked me to stop what I was doing in order to let my body take over since it seemed I was now well on my way. She even had a thought we could have a 4th of July Baby. Well it is 4th of July and um, well. No baby.
So how has bed-rest been? I spend most of my time in my room with the AC on drifting in and out of a coma. When I am awake I've been reading about breast feeding and trying to finish Game of Thrones. I watched the whole season of Treme on DVR. I practice breathing when the fake contractions come up and visualize my happy place. Yes I picked one. Not going to say what it is just yet, but it is such an obvious one I can't believe it took me so long to come up with it. I'm also working on a Masters in driving the hubby crazy. See, I think that he should be in bed with me all day sitting Shiva or something waiting for labor to start and then when I'm asleep going off to do whatever chore I come up with exactly how and when I want him to do it. Since I'm the one on bed-rest gestating the world's largest baby he should just smile and nod when I tell him to do something. Is that too much to ask???
This baby is not making any moves to come out. After a week of tea, herbal pills, aromatherapy and other "methods" Dash is still sitting in my uterus pressing ever so not gently down on my pubic bone. When I went to see the midwife last Thursday the fake contractions were coming every 2 to 3 minutes and I had started cramping. This was great news as this was an indication that my body was preparing and taking steps to soften my cervix so labor could begin. So because of that she asked me to stop what I was doing in order to let my body take over since it seemed I was now well on my way. She even had a thought we could have a 4th of July Baby. Well it is 4th of July and um, well. No baby.
So how has bed-rest been? I spend most of my time in my room with the AC on drifting in and out of a coma. When I am awake I've been reading about breast feeding and trying to finish Game of Thrones. I watched the whole season of Treme on DVR. I practice breathing when the fake contractions come up and visualize my happy place. Yes I picked one. Not going to say what it is just yet, but it is such an obvious one I can't believe it took me so long to come up with it. I'm also working on a Masters in driving the hubby crazy. See, I think that he should be in bed with me all day sitting Shiva or something waiting for labor to start and then when I'm asleep going off to do whatever chore I come up with exactly how and when I want him to do it. Since I'm the one on bed-rest gestating the world's largest baby he should just smile and nod when I tell him to do something. Is that too much to ask???
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Over Thinking My Happy Place
So there are lots of things to do in order to prepare for labor and delivery. Makes me wonder what happens when babies make a surprise arrival. Especially with me being such a classic Capricorn, running through checklists and doing dry runs are soothing activities to take part in when waiting for something as life changing as the birth of a child. So we have done the hospital tours, birthing class, installed essential baby items, instituted the phone tree, packed the bag and typed up the birth plan. Now I just have to find my happy place. This is the place my birthing coach wants me to visualize when I'm breathing through my labor pain. The problem is I can't find one to use, which sounds crazy. I've had so many happy moments - graduations, my wedding day, awesome vacations, seeing the first sonogram of Dash, fun birthdays and times with family and friends etc. But for some reason I can't take just one of these many great moments to use to help me work through labor.
I know it is because I'm over thinking it. I want the thought to be perfect. Giving birth to my first child will only happen once and I want the whole experience to be perfect. But it won't be because nothing ever is. I wanted the perfect wedding day and so many things went the other way but I still wouldn't have done anything different because it was awesome and the best wedding experience I could imagine despite the silly things that went wrong. And having Dash will turn out awesome too. Things won't go exactly as planned or maybe they will. But at the end of the day I will be bringing home my little miracle and that is all that counts. I think I just need to sit down and relax (not that I should be doing much else being on bed rest) and just think about the moments that make me happy and focus. I'm already in a pretty happy place in general so really this should not be hard.
The baby will be here any day now. My midwife doesn't want me going past next week because Dash is quite large and my inflamed pelvis is not making things easier. The last three days I have been taking herbal meds and teas to make my contractions stronger and jump start dilation. So we're really just waiting. After 37 weeks, lots of dr. appointments, fun times with registries, weird body changes, crazy dreams, and insane anxieties, in the end, all we have left to do now is wait.
I know it is because I'm over thinking it. I want the thought to be perfect. Giving birth to my first child will only happen once and I want the whole experience to be perfect. But it won't be because nothing ever is. I wanted the perfect wedding day and so many things went the other way but I still wouldn't have done anything different because it was awesome and the best wedding experience I could imagine despite the silly things that went wrong. And having Dash will turn out awesome too. Things won't go exactly as planned or maybe they will. But at the end of the day I will be bringing home my little miracle and that is all that counts. I think I just need to sit down and relax (not that I should be doing much else being on bed rest) and just think about the moments that make me happy and focus. I'm already in a pretty happy place in general so really this should not be hard.
The baby will be here any day now. My midwife doesn't want me going past next week because Dash is quite large and my inflamed pelvis is not making things easier. The last three days I have been taking herbal meds and teas to make my contractions stronger and jump start dilation. So we're really just waiting. After 37 weeks, lots of dr. appointments, fun times with registries, weird body changes, crazy dreams, and insane anxieties, in the end, all we have left to do now is wait.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Oh The Joys Of Pregnancy
What a week!
I have been having pain in my underbelly and in my pelvis for a while now. But I was just told over and over it was ligament pain from my belly stretching and this was normal. I was told to stretch and it would go away. But Dash just kept getting bigger and bigger and the pain was getting worse. Last Tuesday I was at a networking function and had to be on my feet for over an hour. I shouldn't have gone but there is a lot of pressure at work to go to more of these and I was told - "the job description is the job description regardless if you are pregnant or not". So I went. I knew something was wrong as soon as I got home. That pain I was feeling was now shooting down my pelvis and I felt ill. Wednesday morning I dragged myself to work even though I could hardly get down the steps in the subway. By 9:30 I was in a cab headed to the ER. I was in so much pain I was in tears.
When a pregnant woman walks into the ER with pain they are sent to Labor and Delivery. The priority is to check that the baby is okay. I was hooked up to monitors where I got to hear Dash's heart beating for 6 hours (it was lovely). The other monitor was monitoring my contractions. Yes I was having them. Every 3-4 minutes. But there was no pain, just discomfort. I was not dilating but my cervix was thinning. And once again I was told the pain was ligament pain and was given lots of Tylenol and sent home.
The next day I was back at the Midwife's office and back on the monitors. The contractions were now 8 minutes apart and still no dilating so I was not in labor. A relief since it was only 35 weeks. And as for the pain she said again I need to stretch to open my pelvis and it was normal. I finally had enough and said no. This pain was not normal, it was not from the ligaments and I'm quite flexible thank you. I was upset and she finally said that it sounded like PSD and sent me to an orthopedist who specializes with pregnant women. With PSD your pelvic bones become misaligned and can get inflamed and even seperate. So off I went today and was told my pubic bone is inflamed and was placed on bed rest until I deliver. This is after finding out on Friday that the baby is going to be GINORMOUS, according to the sonogram, if I go to 40 weeks! So much for my theory that I have just been really bloated and the baby is small. Dash's heartbeat was also a little too high so I ended up on the monitors for the third day in a row. The heartbeat settled and I was sent home.
The most frustrating part about all this is that I was just being told this was normal and a part of pregnancy and "oh the joys of pregnancy, smile Natalie it's okay this is how it is." No I'm not smiling and fuck off because really I'm in pain. It was making me furious because even though this is my first pregnancy I know not being able to walk is NOT normal. I should not be in pain when I lay down to go to bed or need help to walk down steps. It was very upsetting and today when I was leaving the orthopedist's office I wanted to hug her because I felt so grateful that someone was taking me seriously and not lumping my pain in with just "the joys of pregnancy".
Anyway here we are now. I'm going to finish the week at work and go from there. Bed rest is not something I'm looking forward to. Especially since it will eat into my maternity leave so I will have less time at home with the baby. That really bothers me. I really hope Dash comes soon so that is not the case. I think I'm giving the baby a week and then I may have to start downing castor oil, walking around with a lavender and jasmin scented candle, eat spicy food for every meal and jump my husband's bones every night to kick start labor. On the bright side I'll have time to finish Game of Thrones.
I have been having pain in my underbelly and in my pelvis for a while now. But I was just told over and over it was ligament pain from my belly stretching and this was normal. I was told to stretch and it would go away. But Dash just kept getting bigger and bigger and the pain was getting worse. Last Tuesday I was at a networking function and had to be on my feet for over an hour. I shouldn't have gone but there is a lot of pressure at work to go to more of these and I was told - "the job description is the job description regardless if you are pregnant or not". So I went. I knew something was wrong as soon as I got home. That pain I was feeling was now shooting down my pelvis and I felt ill. Wednesday morning I dragged myself to work even though I could hardly get down the steps in the subway. By 9:30 I was in a cab headed to the ER. I was in so much pain I was in tears.
When a pregnant woman walks into the ER with pain they are sent to Labor and Delivery. The priority is to check that the baby is okay. I was hooked up to monitors where I got to hear Dash's heart beating for 6 hours (it was lovely). The other monitor was monitoring my contractions. Yes I was having them. Every 3-4 minutes. But there was no pain, just discomfort. I was not dilating but my cervix was thinning. And once again I was told the pain was ligament pain and was given lots of Tylenol and sent home.
The next day I was back at the Midwife's office and back on the monitors. The contractions were now 8 minutes apart and still no dilating so I was not in labor. A relief since it was only 35 weeks. And as for the pain she said again I need to stretch to open my pelvis and it was normal. I finally had enough and said no. This pain was not normal, it was not from the ligaments and I'm quite flexible thank you. I was upset and she finally said that it sounded like PSD and sent me to an orthopedist who specializes with pregnant women. With PSD your pelvic bones become misaligned and can get inflamed and even seperate. So off I went today and was told my pubic bone is inflamed and was placed on bed rest until I deliver. This is after finding out on Friday that the baby is going to be GINORMOUS, according to the sonogram, if I go to 40 weeks! So much for my theory that I have just been really bloated and the baby is small. Dash's heartbeat was also a little too high so I ended up on the monitors for the third day in a row. The heartbeat settled and I was sent home.
The most frustrating part about all this is that I was just being told this was normal and a part of pregnancy and "oh the joys of pregnancy, smile Natalie it's okay this is how it is." No I'm not smiling and fuck off because really I'm in pain. It was making me furious because even though this is my first pregnancy I know not being able to walk is NOT normal. I should not be in pain when I lay down to go to bed or need help to walk down steps. It was very upsetting and today when I was leaving the orthopedist's office I wanted to hug her because I felt so grateful that someone was taking me seriously and not lumping my pain in with just "the joys of pregnancy".
Anyway here we are now. I'm going to finish the week at work and go from there. Bed rest is not something I'm looking forward to. Especially since it will eat into my maternity leave so I will have less time at home with the baby. That really bothers me. I really hope Dash comes soon so that is not the case. I think I'm giving the baby a week and then I may have to start downing castor oil, walking around with a lavender and jasmin scented candle, eat spicy food for every meal and jump my husband's bones every night to kick start labor. On the bright side I'll have time to finish Game of Thrones.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Showered With Love
I have been so caught up with work and getting my mom settled that the baby blues were starting to set in. Feelings of indifference and growing anxiety were stalling my warm fuzzies and just making me feel like it was time to stop talking about it and for Dash to just get here already. That was until...
Last Saturday my friends and family came together to shower me and Baby Dash with love and well wishes. We laughed, we cried, we danced, ate great food and played cute baby games. It was such a wonderful day and it felt so good to have so much support. Besides the wonderful gifts we received, which are very much appreciated, there was so much more to take home. It was the funny stories, the advice from those who have gone down this road before me, the feelings of real joy and love that was really the best part. These are the things I will remember and will help me feel good when everything hurts and will surround my baby when he or she gets here and be a positive force in Dash's life.
My mom even seemed to have a great time. She told me before that in Haiti they don't do showers and that when someone has a baby you just give them money. So I don't think she was really into the whole idea. But I hope after Saturday she sees how important it is to come together and celebrate a new life on the way and show the Mommy and Daddy your love and support. I think she gets that now.
So I will be forever grateful to my girlfriends who put this together. I know they worked hard and I will never be able to thank them enough. Dash will have so many great Aunties! My girlfriends are really an extension of my family. And I love that they truly can't wait to meet this little one and be a part of his or life. So thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!
5 more weeks to go...maybe. Dash is in position and ready to go. I feel invigorated again. I feel such excitement right now. Clock is ticking!!!
Grand Entrance
Last Saturday my friends and family came together to shower me and Baby Dash with love and well wishes. We laughed, we cried, we danced, ate great food and played cute baby games. It was such a wonderful day and it felt so good to have so much support. Besides the wonderful gifts we received, which are very much appreciated, there was so much more to take home. It was the funny stories, the advice from those who have gone down this road before me, the feelings of real joy and love that was really the best part. These are the things I will remember and will help me feel good when everything hurts and will surround my baby when he or she gets here and be a positive force in Dash's life.
My mom even seemed to have a great time. She told me before that in Haiti they don't do showers and that when someone has a baby you just give them money. So I don't think she was really into the whole idea. But I hope after Saturday she sees how important it is to come together and celebrate a new life on the way and show the Mommy and Daddy your love and support. I think she gets that now.
So I will be forever grateful to my girlfriends who put this together. I know they worked hard and I will never be able to thank them enough. Dash will have so many great Aunties! My girlfriends are really an extension of my family. And I love that they truly can't wait to meet this little one and be a part of his or life. So thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!
5 more weeks to go...maybe. Dash is in position and ready to go. I feel invigorated again. I feel such excitement right now. Clock is ticking!!!
Grand Entrance
Surrounded by love!
Daddy all Showered Out
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Promises, Promises
Dear Baby Dash,
I promise to introduce you to the real Star Wars trilogy and not the crap that George Lucas called Episodes I, II and III.
I promise to instill within you the appreciation of a good cupcake.
I promise to be your Mom first and not your friend.
I promise to take you to Haiti so you can experience it in ways I never did.
I promise to teach you the value of the spoken and written word so you can communicate in more ways than the shorthand texting you will do with your friends on whatever device there is ten years from now.
I promise that you will never want for anything and always have everything you need.
I promise to support you even if you become James the ballerina or Alice the truck driver.
I promise to let you go on study abroad if you ask.
I promise to always push you to reach your true potential.
I promise to say I Love You all the time!
I promise to embarrass you at 1st days, graduations, proms and on your wedding day with my beaming pride and joy.
I promise to put you on a roller coaster with your Father as soon as you reach the height so you're not afraid of them like me.
I promise to take pictures and video of all your firsts and fun childhood moments so you can look back at them when you're older.
And I promise to smother you from the moment I give birth to you and never let you go even though I know that one day I will have to - and I will. But you can always come home.
Love,
Mom
I promise to introduce you to the real Star Wars trilogy and not the crap that George Lucas called Episodes I, II and III.
I promise to instill within you the appreciation of a good cupcake.
I promise to be your Mom first and not your friend.
I promise to take you to Haiti so you can experience it in ways I never did.
I promise to teach you the value of the spoken and written word so you can communicate in more ways than the shorthand texting you will do with your friends on whatever device there is ten years from now.
I promise that you will never want for anything and always have everything you need.
I promise to support you even if you become James the ballerina or Alice the truck driver.
I promise to let you go on study abroad if you ask.
I promise to always push you to reach your true potential.
I promise to say I Love You all the time!
I promise to embarrass you at 1st days, graduations, proms and on your wedding day with my beaming pride and joy.
I promise to put you on a roller coaster with your Father as soon as you reach the height so you're not afraid of them like me.
I promise to take pictures and video of all your firsts and fun childhood moments so you can look back at them when you're older.
And I promise to smother you from the moment I give birth to you and never let you go even though I know that one day I will have to - and I will. But you can always come home.
Love,
Mom
Saturday, May 21, 2011
First Dream Of My Baby
The baby was born and Dash was a boy. But he was so tiny, the size of an egg actually. We were living in my mom's house in Miami and she wouldn't let me hold or care for the baby. She said that because he was so tiny and small that I didn't know what I was doing so only she would handle the baby. So I decided to go away to France on vacation with some friends since I wasn't allowed to touch my baby.
My friend told me today she thinks the dream was an expression of my anxiety with being a first time mom. That I'm probably worried that I won't know what to do. I have to agree. I have no idea what I'm doing so I'm really happy my mom will be here. This was the first dream I had about an actual baby. All my crazy pregnancy dreams have not actually involved my real baby so I wonder what other dreams will come over the next 8 weeks.
The last month has been very busy but not busy with anything baby related. Work is still what it is - crazy and stressful. So when the evenings and weekends come I turn into a vegetable in front of the TV. I have a list of things I need to do before the baby comes and it just keeps getting longer as the weeks go by. It's almost like I've hit a pregnancy wall. This happened when I was getting married. There was a point when I had wedding planning aversions and became completely turned off with planning. I stopped reading magazines, watching the shows and just didn't want to talk about it. To this day I can't watch an episode of Bridezillas without getting a lump in my throat. With my pregnancy, lately I just don't have a desire to nest or shop or prepare. And not just for the baby but for myself as well. I'm running out of regular clothes to squeeze into and need to buy some dresses for the warm weather and honestly I don't have the motivation to try anything on. The hubby and I took a little baby moon. It was really nice. We didn't think or talk about stuff that needed to get done, I didn't think about work at all and we were happy and romantic for 5 whole days! I told myself that when we got back I was going to roll up my sleeves and knock out everything before I need to be rolled around to get from point A to B. That was a week ago and here I am, Saturday night in full vegetable mode.
The baby is doing well though. Dash moves constantly. I'm supposed to keep track of movements to make sure I feel at least 10 within an hour's time. And I have to do this twice a day. Well Dash moves so much I get to 10 in less than 15 minutes. My kid already an overachiever! I can't wait to meet Dash and see what he or she looks like and see the baby kicking and moving in my arms instead of through the skin in my belly (still kinda creepy but funny to watch). I on the other hand am now officially anemic so I take these horse pills for iron. But other than that and my waddle things are moving along smoothly. 8 more weeks to go...
My friend told me today she thinks the dream was an expression of my anxiety with being a first time mom. That I'm probably worried that I won't know what to do. I have to agree. I have no idea what I'm doing so I'm really happy my mom will be here. This was the first dream I had about an actual baby. All my crazy pregnancy dreams have not actually involved my real baby so I wonder what other dreams will come over the next 8 weeks.
The last month has been very busy but not busy with anything baby related. Work is still what it is - crazy and stressful. So when the evenings and weekends come I turn into a vegetable in front of the TV. I have a list of things I need to do before the baby comes and it just keeps getting longer as the weeks go by. It's almost like I've hit a pregnancy wall. This happened when I was getting married. There was a point when I had wedding planning aversions and became completely turned off with planning. I stopped reading magazines, watching the shows and just didn't want to talk about it. To this day I can't watch an episode of Bridezillas without getting a lump in my throat. With my pregnancy, lately I just don't have a desire to nest or shop or prepare. And not just for the baby but for myself as well. I'm running out of regular clothes to squeeze into and need to buy some dresses for the warm weather and honestly I don't have the motivation to try anything on. The hubby and I took a little baby moon. It was really nice. We didn't think or talk about stuff that needed to get done, I didn't think about work at all and we were happy and romantic for 5 whole days! I told myself that when we got back I was going to roll up my sleeves and knock out everything before I need to be rolled around to get from point A to B. That was a week ago and here I am, Saturday night in full vegetable mode.
The baby is doing well though. Dash moves constantly. I'm supposed to keep track of movements to make sure I feel at least 10 within an hour's time. And I have to do this twice a day. Well Dash moves so much I get to 10 in less than 15 minutes. My kid already an overachiever! I can't wait to meet Dash and see what he or she looks like and see the baby kicking and moving in my arms instead of through the skin in my belly (still kinda creepy but funny to watch). I on the other hand am now officially anemic so I take these horse pills for iron. But other than that and my waddle things are moving along smoothly. 8 more weeks to go...
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Skip The Listerine And Pass The Vino
When you're pregnant everyone has a story to tell you, a piece of advice to share and lots of well wishes to give. Some of it is pretty funny, some extremely helpful and some just a bit odd. Like my dental hygienist telling me to avoid Listerine but to go ahead and have a glass of wine when I feel like it. I have done the opposite by the way. People want to know when I'm due, what I'm having and how I'm feeling. All very happy and well intentioned questions that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It is sort of like my world has shrunk into a small community around my pregnancy. It's nice to know that neighbors, coworkers, friends and strangers at the gym always take a moment to stop and ask me how I'm doing and that they are excited for me and for this bun growing (rapidly I may add) in my belly.
As I hit the home stretch of my pregnancy a switch flipped this week and physically I started to hit the 3rd trimester wall. I can't hide my waddle anymore and I truly appreciate just being able to sit down. My legs and feet are swelling and now trips to the bathroom are noticeably much more frequent. And I've discovered a new level of hunger this week that I didn't think could exist. Oh and my forehead looks like the before shot in a Proactiv commercial. Even though I haven't actually gained too much weight over the past couple of weeks my belly has popped out an inch further so as the head of my department said so enthusiastically to me in the bathroom the other day "oh wow looks like you're having a big baby!". Yeah...
As I hit the home stretch of my pregnancy a switch flipped this week and physically I started to hit the 3rd trimester wall. I can't hide my waddle anymore and I truly appreciate just being able to sit down. My legs and feet are swelling and now trips to the bathroom are noticeably much more frequent. And I've discovered a new level of hunger this week that I didn't think could exist. Oh and my forehead looks like the before shot in a Proactiv commercial. Even though I haven't actually gained too much weight over the past couple of weeks my belly has popped out an inch further so as the head of my department said so enthusiastically to me in the bathroom the other day "oh wow looks like you're having a big baby!". Yeah...
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Strapped In To Nitro
In one week I'll be entering my third trimester. That means three months to go and the baby will be here. I keep thinking how I didn't think about how this kid was coming out when I was thinking about putting it in. Labor and Delivery scare me to death and I wish I could wiggle my nose and just come home with a new baby one day. We just registered for a childbirth class which makes the whole thing begin to feel too real in my head. A short conversation with the coach had me sweating. She thinks my baby may come early since it will be summer and hot. Early is not what I want to hear. But that is just her non scientific opinion based on her experience with summer babies. I don't know if I can handle early and I don't know if late would drive me crazy with anxiety. It will just have to happen when it happens and when it does I'm just praying to God that I deal with the pain better than I think I will. I sometimes surprise myself when it comes to pain tolerance so I hope this will be one of those cases.
We finally finished the registry last week. Took hours and I am so happy because I will never do that ever again :) Now we just have a laundry list of random things that need to get done before Dash arrives and it feels like this last three months will fly by. I'm so excited to meet my baby. I can't wait to see if Dash is a boy or a girl. 99% of the comments I get are boy because of the way I am carrying, so we'll see. 99% of the comments also mention something about me looking like I'm just about ready even though I have a whole trimester to go. So either there are 2 in here, Dash is a big baby, or I'm just a big mommy. The other day I had a thought that Dash is a girl because of something I thought was different about my face and I heard your face changes when you are having a girl. But I really have no clue.
Physically I'm okay. The back pain is getting worse but I'm managing it with more stretching and creative sleeping positions. The ligament pains on my underbelly started this week and sometimes they are pretty uncomfortable. It feels like a pulled muscle so walking and getting up from sitting tends to be a little painful. But I am doing more yoga and reminding myself to slow down so it's okay. Mentally the stress is still a factor and it is mostly work related. And that's all I'm going to say about that...for now.
But my baby is doing well, kicking a lot and moving (quite visibly sometimes) from side to side. But I really just want Dash to stay put. In my belly I know where my baby is, I know my baby is warm and safe and I guess my world remains somewhat the same. I'm still going out, sleeping in, traveling and being normal. Just in bigger clothes. But the baby being out and in the world physically means I have to do more than just carry him or her around in a space where Dash is fed automatically and doesn't need a diaper. And that is the scary panicky part. That is what makes looking at the next three months feel like a never ending ascension on a roller coaster headed for the 1st big camel hump. You can't get off the ride at this point but you wish you could because you are scared to death of the 1st drop. But your excited for it which is why you got on in the first place. So there you are sitting strapped in climbing higher and higher waiting to reach the top so you can go screaming and down over the edge and through what you anticipate will be the best ride of your life. The next three months consider me strapped in to Nitro, waiting for the best ride of my life to start.
We finally finished the registry last week. Took hours and I am so happy because I will never do that ever again :) Now we just have a laundry list of random things that need to get done before Dash arrives and it feels like this last three months will fly by. I'm so excited to meet my baby. I can't wait to see if Dash is a boy or a girl. 99% of the comments I get are boy because of the way I am carrying, so we'll see. 99% of the comments also mention something about me looking like I'm just about ready even though I have a whole trimester to go. So either there are 2 in here, Dash is a big baby, or I'm just a big mommy. The other day I had a thought that Dash is a girl because of something I thought was different about my face and I heard your face changes when you are having a girl. But I really have no clue.
Physically I'm okay. The back pain is getting worse but I'm managing it with more stretching and creative sleeping positions. The ligament pains on my underbelly started this week and sometimes they are pretty uncomfortable. It feels like a pulled muscle so walking and getting up from sitting tends to be a little painful. But I am doing more yoga and reminding myself to slow down so it's okay. Mentally the stress is still a factor and it is mostly work related. And that's all I'm going to say about that...for now.
But my baby is doing well, kicking a lot and moving (quite visibly sometimes) from side to side. But I really just want Dash to stay put. In my belly I know where my baby is, I know my baby is warm and safe and I guess my world remains somewhat the same. I'm still going out, sleeping in, traveling and being normal. Just in bigger clothes. But the baby being out and in the world physically means I have to do more than just carry him or her around in a space where Dash is fed automatically and doesn't need a diaper. And that is the scary panicky part. That is what makes looking at the next three months feel like a never ending ascension on a roller coaster headed for the 1st big camel hump. You can't get off the ride at this point but you wish you could because you are scared to death of the 1st drop. But your excited for it which is why you got on in the first place. So there you are sitting strapped in climbing higher and higher waiting to reach the top so you can go screaming and down over the edge and through what you anticipate will be the best ride of your life. The next three months consider me strapped in to Nitro, waiting for the best ride of my life to start.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A Hand Slap, Four More Days and The Boy Wizard
This month's appointment felt very forward moving. We talked about hospital tours, birthing classes, glucose tests and the 3rd trimester schedule. But most of it was actually spent with me getting lectured on not eating enough protein. Even before I was pregnant hot crowded subway rides were never my thing. If I didn't eat breakfast and had to stand the whole time I would always feel light headed and weak. But since I've been pregnant it doesn't matter if I eat I still get light headed. And lately sitting doesn't help either. This week I got faint and almost passed out twice on the train. The 1st time I was on the way to yoga class and the 2nd time on my way to work. Both times I was sitting down after having stood in a hot crowd for a bit of time. So at her office this week my midwife was not pleased when she asked me to go over my diet and give specifics on what I had to eat both days. The baby is fine and healthy and looks strong but she said that I didn't look so hot and needed to understand that Dash will take what Dash needs and leave me with nothing. So if I'm not taking care of myself I will pass out on a crowded subway train. It's not enough that the baby is doing fine I need to watch how I am feeling and take care of myself. So net-net I need to eat better, get more sleep and relax. Stress is another big no-no and I am full of it.
One interesting thing we learned this week was our due date was modified. I had a feeling I was going to have this baby late and officially I am! Based on my last ultrasound they pushed our due date almost a week later then it was before. This is actually really awesome news because it means I may actually be able to see the last Harry Potter movie when it comes out. For anyone that really knows me this is great news. I am such a huge fan that when I first got pregnant and did the math in my head I actually paused for a moment and said "dammit I may miss Harry Potter". Granted it is for an unbelievably awesome reason... but still. So with my new due date the chances of seeing the very last Potter film have increased tremendously. Yes I know, priorities.
So here we are back to 25 weeks. Heartbeat is strong. Baby Dash moves around A LOT. I will get off my arse this week and finish my registry. So things are moving along. And speaking of moving along, as I type this I just saw something moving under my shirt. That makes me smile.
One interesting thing we learned this week was our due date was modified. I had a feeling I was going to have this baby late and officially I am! Based on my last ultrasound they pushed our due date almost a week later then it was before. This is actually really awesome news because it means I may actually be able to see the last Harry Potter movie when it comes out. For anyone that really knows me this is great news. I am such a huge fan that when I first got pregnant and did the math in my head I actually paused for a moment and said "dammit I may miss Harry Potter". Granted it is for an unbelievably awesome reason... but still. So with my new due date the chances of seeing the very last Potter film have increased tremendously. Yes I know, priorities.
So here we are back to 25 weeks. Heartbeat is strong. Baby Dash moves around A LOT. I will get off my arse this week and finish my registry. So things are moving along. And speaking of moving along, as I type this I just saw something moving under my shirt. That makes me smile.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sleep, I Used To Love You
I used to look forward to sleep. I loved my bed and comfy pillows. I equally enjoyed my soft couch on a Sunday afternoon for a nice nap. But now being horizontal is not comfortable for me and hasn't been for quite some time. During the 1st trimester it was, at first, only a problem at night. When you first get pregnant you pee a lot because of the hormones and the increased blood flow to your organs. It doesn't last too long and you go back to normal until much later on when you start to pee a lot again as a result of the baby pressing on your bladder. But my early pregnancy pee-fest was causing me to get up in the middle of the night, every night, for weeks to use the bathroom and I haven't had a decent nights sleep since.
Eventually this stopped and another nighttime inconvenience took over. Before I even hit 4 months I was starting to have back pain when I would lay down. If I would lay on my side the bottom leg would go numb and wake me up so I would toss and turn all night. I bought one of those pregnancy body pillows, used regular body pillows, got fancy with my regular pillows - but nothing really made it better.
As the second trimester came on and my stomach got bigger new sleepy time challenges arised. Laying on my back wasn't really wise anymore so I was forced to sleep on my side (enter the numbing leg and back pain problem again). This also took away couch napping options. And my growing tummy was now starting to get in the way of how comfortably I could actually position myself. Now at 24 weeks the weight of my belly actually pulls on the rest of my torso and so it's just kind of awkward and it takes me a while to settle in.
Oh yeah, forgot the mention the dreams. So the hour of uninterrupted sleep I do get between turning from left to right/right to left are filled with the craziest most bizarre dreams I have ever had in my entire life. I've never had dreams like this even when I've been "intoxicated". Some are scary some are disgusting some are just really weird and they wake me up out of my sleep.
I keep hearing from people to enjoy it now because once the baby comes I'll never sleep well again. Well frankly, I haven't slept well since November. I actually look forward to what sleep will be like when the baby comes because even if I will only be sleeping a few hours at a time, I will actually be sleeping and not tossing, aching, peeing or having effed up crazy nightmares of god knows what. I honestly can't wait.
Eventually this stopped and another nighttime inconvenience took over. Before I even hit 4 months I was starting to have back pain when I would lay down. If I would lay on my side the bottom leg would go numb and wake me up so I would toss and turn all night. I bought one of those pregnancy body pillows, used regular body pillows, got fancy with my regular pillows - but nothing really made it better.
As the second trimester came on and my stomach got bigger new sleepy time challenges arised. Laying on my back wasn't really wise anymore so I was forced to sleep on my side (enter the numbing leg and back pain problem again). This also took away couch napping options. And my growing tummy was now starting to get in the way of how comfortably I could actually position myself. Now at 24 weeks the weight of my belly actually pulls on the rest of my torso and so it's just kind of awkward and it takes me a while to settle in.
Oh yeah, forgot the mention the dreams. So the hour of uninterrupted sleep I do get between turning from left to right/right to left are filled with the craziest most bizarre dreams I have ever had in my entire life. I've never had dreams like this even when I've been "intoxicated". Some are scary some are disgusting some are just really weird and they wake me up out of my sleep.
I keep hearing from people to enjoy it now because once the baby comes I'll never sleep well again. Well frankly, I haven't slept well since November. I actually look forward to what sleep will be like when the baby comes because even if I will only be sleeping a few hours at a time, I will actually be sleeping and not tossing, aching, peeing or having effed up crazy nightmares of god knows what. I honestly can't wait.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Growing Attachment
I can't wait to meet and hold the baby. I wonder all the time what will he or she look like? Will it be a boy? Will he have my father's eyes and James' knack for computers? Will it be a girl? Will she look like my mother and love to dance like me? 4 more months to go and I feel like it is so far away and I want to speed up time. But while I have these excited anxious feelings I also want time to stand still. I don't want to let Dash go. The world is a crazy place. Right now my baby is safe and warm inside my womb. I can feel my baby move and grow. It's me and Dash every moment of the day so when I feel happy or sad I touch my belly and feel comforted by knowing Dash is there with me. And when I feel the baby moving it makes me so happy because I feel like we're communicating. It's so amazing and I'm so in love!
Here are some more baby bump pics. As you can see Dash is growing and I couldn't be more proud!
16 Weeks
17 Weeks
20 Weeks
22 Weeks
Here are some more baby bump pics. As you can see Dash is growing and I couldn't be more proud!
16 Weeks
17 Weeks
20 Weeks
22 Weeks
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Workout Beef
It is not easy to workout while pregnant because it can be physically and mentally challenging. If you weren't working out before then the exercises you start doing will be limiting. Your body feels and behaves differently and your range of motion and balance are not the same. You may also have reservations about exercising because of safety concerns. You have to change the way you breathe, they way you lift, the way you move... But if you had a routine pre-pregnancy then generally you should be able to continue whatever that was once pregnant - with some simple modifications of course.
Before my pregnancy I went to the gym about once a week to work on my back problems and do some cardio and then kind of went to yoga class on Saturdays. I also walked everywhere and would do stretching at home at night so I figured I was moderately fit pre Dash. Now my routine consists of pre-natal yoga once a week, trainer at the gym for weight training once a week and an attempt to hit the gym myself one more day to do cardio since walking everywhere has been difficult with my sinuses this winter. This exercise regimen was going swimmingly for about a month. I had gotten over my apprehension with working out and was in a groove with my trainer. I was loving my yoga class and even made it to the gym on my own twice to walk the treadmill. I felt good and started to think that maybe I could make it through this pregnancy with a good weight and look all belly. But chance and happen-stance pumped the breaks on that.
My trainer left the gym and I couldn't find a replacement for three weeks thanks to the aweful mishandling of the trainer management team. And because of Valentines Day, President's Day and work craziness I didn't go to yoga for weeks either. So in this short period of time my pregnancy went from feel good bouncing around all belly looking happiness to body aching stiff jointed heavy poundage feeling suckiness. I was not feeling good and really began to understand how important it is to keep it moving when you're pregnant.
So after some not so nice and pretty direct conversations with the gym I started with a new trainer tonight. I hate him of course because he is not my old trainer. I'm not entirely convinced he has as much pre-natal experience as he or his manager says he does but he is the only one certified at my gym. He didn't remind me to breathe once and seemed kind of disinterested in training me. He also had me doing a lot more during our time then I'm used to and I was exhausted by the end. And he seemed more concerned with fitting in other clients than accommodating my schedule. To be fair, before we started he told me that he had just injured himself and was on pain killers. So I've decided that if I don't get some good vibes from him and feel better about my workout next week I may look to transfer my sessions to another location or ask for my money back. I'm not working out with someone I'm not comfortable with.
Anyways I'm at least happy to be back on a schedule and back to feeling somewhat physically normal. Well as normal as one can feel with a basketball for a stomach. A basketball that moves a lot now these days (tee hee). So for now it's off to bed for me with a pack of ice on my back. Nighty night.
Before my pregnancy I went to the gym about once a week to work on my back problems and do some cardio and then kind of went to yoga class on Saturdays. I also walked everywhere and would do stretching at home at night so I figured I was moderately fit pre Dash. Now my routine consists of pre-natal yoga once a week, trainer at the gym for weight training once a week and an attempt to hit the gym myself one more day to do cardio since walking everywhere has been difficult with my sinuses this winter. This exercise regimen was going swimmingly for about a month. I had gotten over my apprehension with working out and was in a groove with my trainer. I was loving my yoga class and even made it to the gym on my own twice to walk the treadmill. I felt good and started to think that maybe I could make it through this pregnancy with a good weight and look all belly. But chance and happen-stance pumped the breaks on that.
My trainer left the gym and I couldn't find a replacement for three weeks thanks to the aweful mishandling of the trainer management team. And because of Valentines Day, President's Day and work craziness I didn't go to yoga for weeks either. So in this short period of time my pregnancy went from feel good bouncing around all belly looking happiness to body aching stiff jointed heavy poundage feeling suckiness. I was not feeling good and really began to understand how important it is to keep it moving when you're pregnant.
So after some not so nice and pretty direct conversations with the gym I started with a new trainer tonight. I hate him of course because he is not my old trainer. I'm not entirely convinced he has as much pre-natal experience as he or his manager says he does but he is the only one certified at my gym. He didn't remind me to breathe once and seemed kind of disinterested in training me. He also had me doing a lot more during our time then I'm used to and I was exhausted by the end. And he seemed more concerned with fitting in other clients than accommodating my schedule. To be fair, before we started he told me that he had just injured himself and was on pain killers. So I've decided that if I don't get some good vibes from him and feel better about my workout next week I may look to transfer my sessions to another location or ask for my money back. I'm not working out with someone I'm not comfortable with.
Anyways I'm at least happy to be back on a schedule and back to feeling somewhat physically normal. Well as normal as one can feel with a basketball for a stomach. A basketball that moves a lot now these days (tee hee). So for now it's off to bed for me with a pack of ice on my back. Nighty night.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Look At That Face!
Last week we did our 2nd trimester scan AKA the Anatomy Scan. The tech checked all the organs to make sure they were there and functioning. I was nervous all week leading up to the appointment because I was worried that his left lung may be in her thigh or something. But everything was fine. We saw 10 little fingers, 10 little toes, two kidneys, a liver, a heart, a spleen, a brain and all of his little organs all in the right place and seemingly functioning properly. At first Dash was hiding her face with his little hands. So the tech shook my belly and she moved his arms out of the way and opened her mouth as if to say "What??". And that is when we saw his little face. Everyone who has seen the picture thinks the baby looks like a boy. See and judge for yourself. My girlfriend told me that if we all turn out to be wrong and Dash is a She then we need to make sure we never tell her we all thought she looked like a boy.
During the scan the tech told us a lot parents aren't finding out the sex these days. I think it's awesome to be surprised. There are so few real surprises left in life and this is a big one. The hubby of course brought up that he did in fact want to know so right there we had that conversation again. And again I won. When it was time to check under the hood we looked away and I made sure to cover his face so there would be no peaking. There is no way that he can know and I don't. We have to be in this together. And I know that if he knew I would somehow find out. There would be some tell, some smirk or slip. He swears he wouldn't but I know it would happen and I would be really upset if I found out by accident. Anyways for now it is still a secret. 19 more weeks to go!
During the scan the tech told us a lot parents aren't finding out the sex these days. I think it's awesome to be surprised. There are so few real surprises left in life and this is a big one. The hubby of course brought up that he did in fact want to know so right there we had that conversation again. And again I won. When it was time to check under the hood we looked away and I made sure to cover his face so there would be no peaking. There is no way that he can know and I don't. We have to be in this together. And I know that if he knew I would somehow find out. There would be some tell, some smirk or slip. He swears he wouldn't but I know it would happen and I would be really upset if I found out by accident. Anyways for now it is still a secret. 19 more weeks to go!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Update!!!!!
I FELT THE BABY MOVE!!!! This wasn't a gas flutter this was a movement. I was just talking to my pregnant coworker this afternoon about not having felt anything yet and she reassured me that I would soon. SO..... I'm on the subway falling asleep and then all of sudden MOVEMENT. I sat still and waited to see if I would belch or fart because that would just be another gas bubble but no, nothing like that. Dash moved around for a few more seconds and then all was calm. Just like that. It felt like bubbles rolling up my stomach. Very subtle actually but very clear. It completly made up for trekking all the way to my pre-natal yoga class only to see a sign that they were closed tonight. So exciting. So cool.
Oh btw, women are totally beating men in my 'who gets up to offer me a seat on the subway' tally. Thank you ladies :)
Oh btw, women are totally beating men in my 'who gets up to offer me a seat on the subway' tally. Thank you ladies :)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Registry Hell
I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. Work has been super stressful and we had some family concerns. But thanks to the folks who have gotten in touch encouraging me to keep blogging! I appreciate the support!!!! I definitely plan to keep this up.
Also the part of my brain dedicated to baby/pregnancy thoughts and activities has been consumed by figuring out my registry. Let me just be clear... I HATE putting this registry together. I would rather deal with my growing hemorrhoids than with what kind of layettes to pick out. See I'm the type of person that does not enjoy shopping. I rarely go to the mall and I only go inside a store if I need something specific. And the stores I visit have to be organized. Those designer discount stores like TJ Maxx or Marshalls scare me. Even dept. stores like Macy's and H&M freak me out. Everything is thrown together, there is no rhythm or reason to how the clothes are set up and if you don't go at 9am on a weekday there are too many people and it is hot inside. This is the feeling I have been getting when even sitting at my laptop attempting to work on my registry online.
My biggest issue has been - what do I actually need to register for? I have no idea how big the baby will be when he or she is born so really not sure if I need newborn size or 0-3 months. Every crib or dresser the hubby does research on has complaints about the quality of the wood - why would I buy shitty quality furniture? There are a billion strollers and of course the one I like is $900. Do I really need a wipee warmer, diaper genie or changing table? And how am I supposed to know what kind of nipples for the bottles or diapers the baby will take to now? It's like deciding the baby's major for college 18 years early.
This whole process is giving me anxiety. The only thing stopping me from making a "personal shopping consultant" appointment at Buy Buy Baby is that I hate being sold to and that is what I feel they will do. For example, last night I finally bit the bullet and went shopping for a pair maternity jeans at Pea in Pod/Modern Maternity. The 1st two sales ladies I ran into tried to push $200 jeans on me and told me that if I wanted soft skinny jeans that was all they had. An hour later, surprise! I walked out with 2 pairs of jeans each costing 40 bucks that she happened to find somewhere in the back.
I could go on and on about how the Business of Being Born (great documentary by the way if you are open to learning about natural birth and how giving birth in America - specifically in NYC - is all a business and not about you or your baby) should go beyond the birthing experience. The racket starts from pregnancy and follows you the whole way through. It is like getting caught up in wedding spending but worse. When you over spend on a wedding you aren't doing it because someone is telling you that your gown has the highest safety rating so you don't risk hurting yourself walking down the aisle. But talk to me about how the $900 stroller has a car seat that exceeds all US safety ratings and I pull out the Amex. Bottom line I want the best for my baby and that is my Achilles heel. I mean if I could justify purchasing thousand dollar handbags throughout my twenties because I told myself Gucci will last forever, how can I scoff at the best ergonomic organic carrier for my baby or a crib made of solid wood that converts into three different pieces of furniture? See, I don't need a sales person, I'm fine selling myself.
Also the part of my brain dedicated to baby/pregnancy thoughts and activities has been consumed by figuring out my registry. Let me just be clear... I HATE putting this registry together. I would rather deal with my growing hemorrhoids than with what kind of layettes to pick out. See I'm the type of person that does not enjoy shopping. I rarely go to the mall and I only go inside a store if I need something specific. And the stores I visit have to be organized. Those designer discount stores like TJ Maxx or Marshalls scare me. Even dept. stores like Macy's and H&M freak me out. Everything is thrown together, there is no rhythm or reason to how the clothes are set up and if you don't go at 9am on a weekday there are too many people and it is hot inside. This is the feeling I have been getting when even sitting at my laptop attempting to work on my registry online.
My biggest issue has been - what do I actually need to register for? I have no idea how big the baby will be when he or she is born so really not sure if I need newborn size or 0-3 months. Every crib or dresser the hubby does research on has complaints about the quality of the wood - why would I buy shitty quality furniture? There are a billion strollers and of course the one I like is $900. Do I really need a wipee warmer, diaper genie or changing table? And how am I supposed to know what kind of nipples for the bottles or diapers the baby will take to now? It's like deciding the baby's major for college 18 years early.
This whole process is giving me anxiety. The only thing stopping me from making a "personal shopping consultant" appointment at Buy Buy Baby is that I hate being sold to and that is what I feel they will do. For example, last night I finally bit the bullet and went shopping for a pair maternity jeans at Pea in Pod/Modern Maternity. The 1st two sales ladies I ran into tried to push $200 jeans on me and told me that if I wanted soft skinny jeans that was all they had. An hour later, surprise! I walked out with 2 pairs of jeans each costing 40 bucks that she happened to find somewhere in the back.
I could go on and on about how the Business of Being Born (great documentary by the way if you are open to learning about natural birth and how giving birth in America - specifically in NYC - is all a business and not about you or your baby) should go beyond the birthing experience. The racket starts from pregnancy and follows you the whole way through. It is like getting caught up in wedding spending but worse. When you over spend on a wedding you aren't doing it because someone is telling you that your gown has the highest safety rating so you don't risk hurting yourself walking down the aisle. But talk to me about how the $900 stroller has a car seat that exceeds all US safety ratings and I pull out the Amex. Bottom line I want the best for my baby and that is my Achilles heel. I mean if I could justify purchasing thousand dollar handbags throughout my twenties because I told myself Gucci will last forever, how can I scoff at the best ergonomic organic carrier for my baby or a crib made of solid wood that converts into three different pieces of furniture? See, I don't need a sales person, I'm fine selling myself.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
A Few Words On Hunger
I've been experiancing a new kind of hunger. The kind that hits me whenever I go too long between feedings. It is not a subtle or a gradual feeling of hunger but an abrupt slap in the face. It hits me like that special smell you get when you walk into a subway car that has had a homeless person stewing in it all night. And the eating that follows this hunger is not something I enjoy. In fact I hardly remember it but when it's over I look down at my empty plate and think to myself - did I even chew?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Favorite Old Wives Tale (so far)
If you don't eat enough protien while pregnant and you end up having a boy, your baby boy will have a small penis.
That is all.
That is all.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Random Observation: 2/11
This morning I got out of the shower and sat on the bed and noticed that my boobs were resting on my belly. Yeah...
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Early Signs Of Nesting
I woke up this morning with an overwhelming urge to start re-organizing the apartment and purchase baby stuff. Not sure if this is the first sign of "nesting". Up until now I haven't really sat down and thought through what we will need once the baby comes. It feels a bit overwhelming and I have no idea where to even begin. I know there are plenty of resources out there to help me figure it out - online, friends, family - but I really just haven't been in the mood to do it. Part of it is feeling that it is too soon, the other part is my usual procrastinating behavior about things that I am scared of. It's like when I have to fly. Since I am afraid of flying I never pack before 2am the night before because I just don't want to deal with it and packing just brings me one step closer to being trapped in that airplane. But like flying, preparing for the baby is something I know I must deal with. I do have hope though that this blah mood is lifting since this morning all I could think about was going to Buy Buy Baby and picking out clothes and furniture. The hubby and I figured it was probably still too soon and ended up instead spending the day sleeping but we are making plans to do it soon and I am starting to feel excited about it.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
wow wow wow wow...
...that is what my baby's heartbeat sounds like on the monitor. Yesterday we had an appointment with our midwife. She drew my blood, took my weight, measured my belly and put the little sound contraption on me that let us hear wow wow wow wow wow. It is very cool.
The blood drawing was to screen for something I can't pronounce or spell, but it is important and is one of the last things having to do with checking genetic defects. Usually our appointments last a good hour with mostly talking but she didn't have too much time for us because she had a patient in labor. This prompted me to ask her when can we start talking about the birth experiance and what to expect and all. She said not until after all my screenings are done and the anatomy scan at the end of the month. (This is an ultrasound where we will see all the baby's organs to make sure everything is developing properly.) She doesn't want to jump ahead into conversations about birth plans right now in case something is wrong and we have to deal with it. Deal with it??? Deal with what? I'm 17 weeks now and so far every screen has been normal, I feel the baby moving and I can hear the heart beating. I think I'm pretty invested at this point. For me this is going forward and what I have to deal with right now is what to register for and where is the crib going. I understand she is being practical but practical was maybe 7 weeks ago. This is of course maybe hormonal me talking and not practical Capricorn me but that is how I feel. So of course I was in a sour mood after that and I didn't feel better until the end when I heard Dash's heart singing wow wow wow wow. WOW indeed my little one.
The blood drawing was to screen for something I can't pronounce or spell, but it is important and is one of the last things having to do with checking genetic defects. Usually our appointments last a good hour with mostly talking but she didn't have too much time for us because she had a patient in labor. This prompted me to ask her when can we start talking about the birth experiance and what to expect and all. She said not until after all my screenings are done and the anatomy scan at the end of the month. (This is an ultrasound where we will see all the baby's organs to make sure everything is developing properly.) She doesn't want to jump ahead into conversations about birth plans right now in case something is wrong and we have to deal with it. Deal with it??? Deal with what? I'm 17 weeks now and so far every screen has been normal, I feel the baby moving and I can hear the heart beating. I think I'm pretty invested at this point. For me this is going forward and what I have to deal with right now is what to register for and where is the crib going. I understand she is being practical but practical was maybe 7 weeks ago. This is of course maybe hormonal me talking and not practical Capricorn me but that is how I feel. So of course I was in a sour mood after that and I didn't feel better until the end when I heard Dash's heart singing wow wow wow wow. WOW indeed my little one.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Is That Gas Or...?
For the last couple of days I've been able to put my hands on my belly and feel little flutters. I read that I should start feeling these sensations now and that it may feel like gas bubbles but is actually the baby moving around in there. The hubby felt it too which was really exciting.
But flutters aren't the only thing I've been feeling. Friday and Saturday I was having a lot of "growing pains". Sharp pulling pains around one side of my belly that felt like a bad muscle pull. It was pretty sharp and would come on suddenly and stop me in my tracks. My midwife said that it could be a number of things - my uterus expanding, stretching from lifting too much at the gym, gas (there's that word again) or pressure from the baby's head pushing on one side.
Gas is blamed for feelings of nausea, looking more pregnant one day than the next because of bloating, indigestion and other things of the like. Can I add bouts of grumpiness and aggitation to this list? Because I would love to just let my frustrations out when I'm having a bad day at work and just say "oh sorry, I have gas".
But flutters aren't the only thing I've been feeling. Friday and Saturday I was having a lot of "growing pains". Sharp pulling pains around one side of my belly that felt like a bad muscle pull. It was pretty sharp and would come on suddenly and stop me in my tracks. My midwife said that it could be a number of things - my uterus expanding, stretching from lifting too much at the gym, gas (there's that word again) or pressure from the baby's head pushing on one side.
Gas is blamed for feelings of nausea, looking more pregnant one day than the next because of bloating, indigestion and other things of the like. Can I add bouts of grumpiness and aggitation to this list? Because I would love to just let my frustrations out when I'm having a bad day at work and just say "oh sorry, I have gas".
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Commuter Courtesy
Today was the first day someone gave up their seat for me on the train. For the last week or so I've been getting on the train, unzipping my coat and standing in front of any able bodied man I see. Occasionally I rub my belly "absent mindedly" waiting to see if he takes notice. It hasn't worked until today...way long into my commute. After the longest part of the ride in Queens I gave up, thinking probably my belly wasn't big enough to be noticed. But when I changed trains in the city I stood in front of a guy who looked at me and mouthed "are you pregnant? have my seat". I happily sat for the three stops to my job.
I've heard horror stories from other women who were like 20 months pregnant and sticking out 4 feet who had absolutely no one get up for them. Even some who were shoved out of the way by other people trying to get in the train. I personally haven't seen that happen, in fact I mostly see people on my train get up for the pregnant, elderly or disabled. I do it too, after I stare down any man in my view who is acting like they aren't going to get up. Seats are a hot commodity on the E and F trains. You get one, you don't want to move. Especially in the mornings. I actually avoid getting in a car if I see a pregnant or elderly person getting in so I won't have to loose a potential seat to them. But now I wonder, what will happen if there is just one seat left and it's between me and the old lady? Will I retreat? Maybe I would right now but in a few months a situation like that might get a little hairy.
I've heard horror stories from other women who were like 20 months pregnant and sticking out 4 feet who had absolutely no one get up for them. Even some who were shoved out of the way by other people trying to get in the train. I personally haven't seen that happen, in fact I mostly see people on my train get up for the pregnant, elderly or disabled. I do it too, after I stare down any man in my view who is acting like they aren't going to get up. Seats are a hot commodity on the E and F trains. You get one, you don't want to move. Especially in the mornings. I actually avoid getting in a car if I see a pregnant or elderly person getting in so I won't have to loose a potential seat to them. But now I wonder, what will happen if there is just one seat left and it's between me and the old lady? Will I retreat? Maybe I would right now but in a few months a situation like that might get a little hairy.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Working It Out
Last Thursday I went to the gym for the first time since September. I hadn't been mostly because I spent my whole first trimester freaked out about moving. I also felt like crap 90 percent of the time and just wanted to sleep on my couch all day. So I hired a trainer that works with pregnant women so that I could feel comfortable and do the right exercises. Before I got pregnant I was already having back problems so 4 months of desk, couch, bed, repeat had done a number on my spine. Add a growing tummy and it is a bad situation. My trainer was nice. He was very patient with my many questions and concerns. He could tell I was very uncomfortable with the concept of working out. When we started I was so acutely aware of my belly that I couldn't focus and just kept thinking I should not be exercising. Especially when as I was leaving my office to walk to the gym my boss said to me "don't lift any weights" and 10 minutes into the session the trainer handed me weights. Thanks. But by the end of the night I relaxed and stopped thinking I was a pregnant lady working out and just that I was working out.
Other than getting my back strong and staying fit, keeping my weight in check is another concern of mine. I'm already over the suggested weight gain for the number of weeks I am along the pregnancy and I'm a little freaked out about it. On Friday we had a birthday party for a coworker with some really yummy chocolate cake and a very nice cookie platter. After I had a slice of cake I was reaching for a cookie when two other coworkers started talking about how they both gained about 40 pounds during their pregnancies. That cookie never made it to my mouth. I know I will gain weight and I know I need to gain weight. But 40 pounds is so completely out of the scope of my comprehension that I just can't even imagine how that would work. Even 20 pounds is hard for me to make peace with. Seriously where is it going to go??? Trust me I'm not going to turn into one of those wacko upper east side mommys that eats a cube of cheese for lunch in order to stay "all stomach". I like food way too much. But I will do better to think before I reach for empty calories and keep up a schedule at the gym so I can stay healthy and fit.
But tonight I'm having cake from the party I just left and tomorrow...yoga.
Other than getting my back strong and staying fit, keeping my weight in check is another concern of mine. I'm already over the suggested weight gain for the number of weeks I am along the pregnancy and I'm a little freaked out about it. On Friday we had a birthday party for a coworker with some really yummy chocolate cake and a very nice cookie platter. After I had a slice of cake I was reaching for a cookie when two other coworkers started talking about how they both gained about 40 pounds during their pregnancies. That cookie never made it to my mouth. I know I will gain weight and I know I need to gain weight. But 40 pounds is so completely out of the scope of my comprehension that I just can't even imagine how that would work. Even 20 pounds is hard for me to make peace with. Seriously where is it going to go??? Trust me I'm not going to turn into one of those wacko upper east side mommys that eats a cube of cheese for lunch in order to stay "all stomach". I like food way too much. But I will do better to think before I reach for empty calories and keep up a schedule at the gym so I can stay healthy and fit.
But tonight I'm having cake from the party I just left and tomorrow...yoga.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
End of an Era
The belly ring is officially gone. My belly button started popping out about two weeks ago and as much as tried to keep the ring in it started to hurt. :(
I remember when I first got it. I was 17 and I managed to hide it from my mom for 3 years. She finally saw it one day when I was laying on the couch and my shirt rode up. I don't know how she saw it. It was dark, she was across the room and she didn't have her glasses on. But the light from the TV must have hit my jewelery just right because she came sprinting across the room with her finger pointed saying "What is that!!!". I told her is was a piercing and I'd had it for a while. Her response: "Aren't you afraid of disease?". Well Mom, it is gone now. If this baby is a girl I will only say one thing on this subject - wait until you get to college.
I remember when I first got it. I was 17 and I managed to hide it from my mom for 3 years. She finally saw it one day when I was laying on the couch and my shirt rode up. I don't know how she saw it. It was dark, she was across the room and she didn't have her glasses on. But the light from the TV must have hit my jewelery just right because she came sprinting across the room with her finger pointed saying "What is that!!!". I told her is was a piercing and I'd had it for a while. Her response: "Aren't you afraid of disease?". Well Mom, it is gone now. If this baby is a girl I will only say one thing on this subject - wait until you get to college.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Screaming Babies In Crowded Movie Theaters
When I first got married I had a feeling that my girlfriends were keeping a little distance from me. It was kind of like they were giving me space because I was newly married. I was probably overreacting but I remember having a conversation about it and saying that I didn't want space and really wanted for everything to be as normal. Now this fear/feeling is starting to reemerge again as a mother-to-be. Over the weekend while I was in LA my brother, his girlfriend and I got into a conversation about new parents and how their relationships with their non-parent friends changed. At the beginning it is totally understandable and I completely expect to be so tired and out of my mind with confusion that I won't even notice that my social interactions become a text here or there. But once I figure out the 30 second diaper change I am hoping to be the 'strap the kid on and get moving' type.
Right now we (hubby and friends) mostly spend our time together in low key ways - movies, dinners, hanging out at home and occasional parties and drink at the bar. This time with my friends is great and actually very important to me. My friends are like my family. And while I obviously won't be the person with the infant in a crowded movie theater (I know better than to do that) I do feel like there will be no reason for me to completely stop spending time with the people I care about once I'm a mom. What I wonder is will they still think to spend time with me and what will that look like?
Here is an example of why these thoughts come up - a couple of years ago I got into a little back and forth with a very close friend of mine because she didn't want to invite someone to a party that had recently had a baby. My girlfriend felt that the invite would be insulting since she thought it was obvious the new mom wouldn't be able to come. I told her the invite would be nice and would make the person feel like she was still thought of and will simply decline if she can't make it. (I was obviously still going through my 'You don't want to hang out with me because I'm married now' phase) We agreed to disagree but that has stuck with me ever since.
I guess with all of the things I should be concerned about in this situation, whether my friends will still invite me to dinner should really not be one of them. I'm not completely delusional. I know that there are more important things like will the baby have 11 toes or turn out Republican. As a new mom I know my little one will always come first and hanging out will not always be possible. I will be busy spending time with the baby and enjoying being a parent. Little Dash's happiness and health will now be my number 1 priority. But I also know that my friends wouldn't be my friends if they didn't understand that and be supportive, which I know they will be. I guess I'm just saying that even through life's many changes (baby, marriage, new job, etc) I feel we should always try to maintain some normalcy with what has been important in our lives and adapt and prioritize accordingly. In my case that is being able to spend time with the people I care about and hoping they then become a part of my new life as a mommy. In other words, invite me to the party. I won't be insulted.
Right now we (hubby and friends) mostly spend our time together in low key ways - movies, dinners, hanging out at home and occasional parties and drink at the bar. This time with my friends is great and actually very important to me. My friends are like my family. And while I obviously won't be the person with the infant in a crowded movie theater (I know better than to do that) I do feel like there will be no reason for me to completely stop spending time with the people I care about once I'm a mom. What I wonder is will they still think to spend time with me and what will that look like?
Here is an example of why these thoughts come up - a couple of years ago I got into a little back and forth with a very close friend of mine because she didn't want to invite someone to a party that had recently had a baby. My girlfriend felt that the invite would be insulting since she thought it was obvious the new mom wouldn't be able to come. I told her the invite would be nice and would make the person feel like she was still thought of and will simply decline if she can't make it. (I was obviously still going through my 'You don't want to hang out with me because I'm married now' phase) We agreed to disagree but that has stuck with me ever since.
I guess with all of the things I should be concerned about in this situation, whether my friends will still invite me to dinner should really not be one of them. I'm not completely delusional. I know that there are more important things like will the baby have 11 toes or turn out Republican. As a new mom I know my little one will always come first and hanging out will not always be possible. I will be busy spending time with the baby and enjoying being a parent. Little Dash's happiness and health will now be my number 1 priority. But I also know that my friends wouldn't be my friends if they didn't understand that and be supportive, which I know they will be. I guess I'm just saying that even through life's many changes (baby, marriage, new job, etc) I feel we should always try to maintain some normalcy with what has been important in our lives and adapt and prioritize accordingly. In my case that is being able to spend time with the people I care about and hoping they then become a part of my new life as a mommy. In other words, invite me to the party. I won't be insulted.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The 1st Trimester
So, what were the 1st 14 weeks like? I tried a little experiment and sat down and just typed what came to my mind when I thought about my 1st trimester:
And now...
Anyway so here we are officially in the 2nd trimester. James and I call the baby Dash (no not after the Kardashians) since we aren't finding out if it is a boy or girl and figure the name sounds gender neutral enough. The last two days I have actually felt pretty good. I'm going to start working out again next week to "stop the spread" and my appetite is getting better and no longer just want to eat grilled cheese sandwiches and pizza. I'll post pictures of the bump that I just noticed yesterday when I tried to bend forward to put my socks on. Literally just noticed it was there. Oh yeah...due date is July 14th.
I felt everything. I felt my skin stretching and my uterus pulling. I felt my breasts harden, my hips widen, my organs shifting and my belly button popping. Every tweak, tickle, tug and sharpie got my attention. I noticed dull aches in my lower back and slight twinges in my lower abdomen. I had violent hunger pangs in my stomach and got light headed when I stood. It doesn’t stop there. I felt every emotion and sympathized with everyone else’s tears – happy or sad. I wanted to be sentimental. I wanted to be angry. I couldn't stop remarking how cute my dog was and I wanted to hear about everyone’s babies – did they coo, did they smile, are they walking yet? Everything smelled bad and all I wanted to do was sleep. I loved everyone and I hated them all. 26 weeks to go.
A lot of this is still going on but my emotions are leveling off and my energy is starting to get better. The smells aren't as bad either. Before I would vomit at the smell of black coffee and eggs. Now I can stand to be around coffee and have even started eating eggs again. One thing that hasn't come back yet is my sweet tooth. This bothers me a lot because I love sweets and I was really getting into baking them over the summer. At one point I was even eating a different Crumbs cupcake a week because cupcakes are one of God's many gifts to Man. But this lack of enthusiasm for sugar is probably a good thing since my Midwife put the fear of God in me to not develop Gestational Diabetes and this morning I realized my butt and hips are visably spreading to a width I am not comfortable with.
How we told Mom:
James and I found out we were pregnant a week before my Mom came for her visit. I peed on a stick after my period was late and sat on the toilet for about an hour waiting for the result to change but it didn't. After we calmed down we decided to be cute about it and wait until my mom got to NY to tell her. We bought a little bib that said "I Love My Grandma" and put it on a onesie and just handed it to her. She thought it was for the dog, of course. Once she understood it was for a human baby she said "Finally!!! My baby is having a baby!!!" and got really excited. I think she started planning the baptism the next day. BTW she keeps calling it a wedding if that gives any indication to what kind of party this is going to be.
Telling people:
I couldn't keep it in. I was talking all kinds of smack before that if we ever got pregnant we weren't telling anyone until the 2nd trimester blah blah. Most of who you read this will laugh since you probably knew at week 5. I get why people want to wait. It is nice to keep it private and a lot can happen in the 1st trimester so you don't want to say anything until you pass certain milestones. All these worries kept me up at night and made me sick because I was so scared I would do something wrong. I was afraid of sudden movements it was so bad. And reading "What to Expect When Your Expecting" made it worse. That book is aweful. 1st it told me it would take me 6 months to a year to get pregnant (took two months folks) then it made it seem like I needed to eat a cow every day or my baby will have two heads (I'm supposed to be a vegetarian). So it was comforting to be able to talk about all this with my Mom and my girlfriends and know they were supportive and praying for me. They talked me off the ledge many times and I appreciated it. How else would I have known all those tugs and pains and weird feelings were normal and it is okay to walk for more than 5 minutes?
As for my coworkers well that got out pretty early. It started when I was worried about something I was feeling and I asked a coworker a hypothetical question. This coworker is like the mom of the office and she has a baby herself. She took one look at me and told me I was pregnant and shoved the very test I would take 4 days later that confirmed it into my pants pocket. I "officially" told people in the office the week we got our 1st picture of the baby and the fetal nuchal something something test came back negative (the one for genetic stuff and Downs).
And now...
Anyway so here we are officially in the 2nd trimester. James and I call the baby Dash (no not after the Kardashians) since we aren't finding out if it is a boy or girl and figure the name sounds gender neutral enough. The last two days I have actually felt pretty good. I'm going to start working out again next week to "stop the spread" and my appetite is getting better and no longer just want to eat grilled cheese sandwiches and pizza. I'll post pictures of the bump that I just noticed yesterday when I tried to bend forward to put my socks on. Literally just noticed it was there. Oh yeah...due date is July 14th.
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